getting witchy with the november IN/OUT list
plus, Kayla 🤝 Kayla: a Q&A with Kayla Kleinman
happy Hallo-weekend to all those celebrating! whether you’re doing a family costume alongside your kiddos or if you’re in a phase of life more similar to mine (as in, slapping together a look that involves rhinestone-studded fishnets and that LBD you decided was too short to wear to the work function you originally bought it for), I hope it was a lively start of the festivities for you. I’ve never been much of a Halloween person, but there was something special in the air in NY this weekend…it made me realize that perhaps my resistance to leaning into Halloween as an adult is connected to needing to take myself less seriously. I started to think more about the concept of “play” and how it’s all related. maybe next year, I’ll have a bit more fun with it and even devise a costume more than an hour before a Halloween party!
earlier this week, I devoured the audiobook version of Britney Spears’ The Woman in Me. it was heart-wrenchingly sad to hear not only about her conservatorship but also how disregarded she has been by nearly every man in her life, including her father and the father of her children. I grew up a massive Britney fan and will always be rooting for her! this was my 40th book of the year, but I’m trying not to get too caught up in my reading goal, considering I’m pacing well behind my 2023 target of 60 books. it’s just going to be what it is!! after celebrating the West Village Book Club’s first birthday on Wednesday, we are left with two more book club meetings on deck this year, and beyond that, I’m hoping to tackle a bunch on my TBR pile including The Secret History by Donna Tartt, The Favorite Sister by Jessica Knoll (still not over how searing Bright Young Women was) and The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White because good grammar is sexy—capitalization and capitalism are not.
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before we get into the IN/OUT list for how I see november shaping up, I want to share a story about running into someone yesterday who made it feel like I’d brushed up against the ghost of my former self. I was picking up provisions from the Abington Square Market just down the street from me when a former coworker from my previous company was suddenly standing before me on the sidewalk. I hadn’t seen her in over five years, and the second we began talking, I felt such a sense of pride for how far I now feel from the twenty-four-year-old version of me who used to defer to her in meetings and seek her approval for my work travel (I remember how mercilessly I once petitioned her to go to Sri Lanka!). I was filled with a strange mix of sadness and protectiveness as I was flung back to this past version of myself, who didn’t have much—if any—autonomy.
when I got home, the interaction was still lingering. it had me thinking about what running into someone from my life now will look like when I’m 35. what will I be thinking about my current 30-year-old self? would I wish she would have spent less energy stressing about where she’d wind up? would I want to tell her to do something differently? would I tell her that she’s going to get the things that her soul so deeply craves? it makes me think about how fast five years can go and, at the same time, how our entire worlds can change in that amount of time. in fact, combined with the mention of Rebecca Serle from Kayla Kleinman—who I interviewed below in this week’s sunday series—I’m compelled to re-read In Five Years, a book about the unpredictable nature of destiny.
okay, we’re one month into our substack journey, and this might be my favorite part. I present to you this month’s IN/OUT list!!
IN
practicing untethered autumn (refer to the last sunday series)
Bradley Cooper being fluent in French
Bradley Cooper having Taylor Swift and Blake Lively over to his place in our neighborhood
rocking bare nails
getting a notification that your dad watched the TikToks you sent him
life imitating art
deciding you don’t actually hate Halloween
the feminine urge to open a bakery that’s also a bookstore
restaurants having decaf espresso beans to make dessert affogatos
tapered candle sticks getting all drippy and burning to the very end
THE fall chop—simply to feel something
men who read paperback fiction on the subway (see @hotdudesreading)
amassing a body of work
sticking it out through the end of Crown s6
Jacob Elordi’s enviable handbag collection
when your therapist uses four-letter words with you (not on you, obvi)
branded coffee cup sleeves—if it’s gonna be $7, she better be pretty
bullish momagers making a comeback
spending a pretty penny on photographing your courthouse wedding so I can droll over how CHIC it is
having a signature set of emojis and never straying 🤍🦋💅🏼
exerting a boundary and watching it shock someone when you do
bringing warm pecan pie to friendsgiving
getting a Black Friday strategy in place (pick that Le Creuset color now, sis!!)
family policy of “you buy, I fly” still being in place to go home for the holidays in your 30s
knowing the fish guy’s name at the farmer’s market and watching that small recognition make him smile
when you hear “a day in the life of a New York City mom” and know you’re sucked in for the next 2.5 minutes
OUT
public Venmo transactions
“pick me” energy
influencers making sponsored content about VC-backed egg-freezing startups
not reading the book before watching the TV adaptation (Black Cake drops on Hulu this week!)
the phrase “having it all” because no one does
it being 80° in NY in late october
local restaurant hostess redirecting you to go to the Resy app to make a booking while standing in front of her at said restaurant
ads for AG1 and colostrum supplements—MAKE. THEM. STOP.
hinge (see: untethered autumn)
future tripping
thinking you know the whole truth
criticizing Britney Spears for posting nudes on IG
ragging on EWR
businesses that don’t answer their phones
cortisol spikes from HIIT workouts
losing your laundry card and all the $ on it
being too poor to afford in-unit laundry, requiring you to have a laundry card for your walkup building in the first place
telling someone they are “out of their depth”
signing up for texts from a brand only to have to reply STOP to get them to stop—just don’t sign up
only liking Castelvetrano olives (I’m working on it)
pulling the rug out from someone and expecting them not to react
“we have whole milk” as the response when I ask for half and half
white chocolate anything
ordering Sweetgreen for delivery or pickup when we all know it’s better when you watch them make it
jumping photos
standing outside restaurants where Taylor Swift is dining for a photo
meet Kayla Kleinman
when I stumbled on Kayla Kleinman’s content on Instagram to find that not only do we share a name, but both love to read, create content, and be cringe on TikTok, I knew I had to reach out. I loved getting the chance to hear more about her career journey, and I’m sure you will, too! beyond our Q&A, you can hear more about Kayla’s approach to navigating life in your 30s by subscribing to her Substack, ALL OF THIS TO SAY, which drops every Friday.
Kayla Douglas: Kayla, what did your journey to moving to the city look like, and what makes New York feel like home to you now?
Kayla Kleinman: I had a bit of a unique experience moving to New York as I moved here for college when I was 18. Growing up an hour north of the city in Westchester, my family came into the city a lot to see theater, and I'd come into the city a lot to see my best friends from sleepaway camp that lived here. I knew I wanted to move to the city as soon as I could.
Moving to New York for college was so fun as I was navigating living here for the first time with a whole pack of other lost and confused college freshmen. Together, we learned how to navigate the subway, where to get cheap food, and explored all our new home had to offer. I've now lived here for over 15 years—and I've pretty much stayed in the same neighborhood. New York feels most like home to me when I feel like a true regular at my local spots. I'll walk into my favorite restaurant for brunch, and they know my name. When I call up my favorite sushi restaurant to order takeout, they now just say, “The usual, Kayla? See you soon.”
KD: Your online community turns to you for wellness tips, book recommendations, and the "slice of life" you so beautifully offer. How has your approach to creating content evolved over the years to create authentic connections and avoid burnout?
KK: I so appreciate that! There have been so many times over the years that I've tried to emulate what I saw other content creators doing, but so often, it just didn't feel right to me. This year especially, I've started having more fun experimenting with how I make my content. The topics and things I share haven't changed too much, but I started playing around with how I share them. It unlocked a whole new creativity for me, and in a really cool way, that also led to a huge growth spurt for my account.
Over the years, there have been so many times when I've tried to force creativity. Content creation is not my full-time job, and I feel lucky that I can post when I'm feeling inspired, and if I feel like I don't have anything interesting to say, I just don't post.
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KD: I commend you for the vulnerability you showcase across your platforms, especially when it comes to talking about some of the less glamorous sides of being in your early 30s. How do you overcome any fear around opening up on the internet?
KK: I don't know if I've fully overcome the fears, but I've been oversharing on the internet for a long time now and have gotten a bit more used to those butterflies I'll feel in my stomach. For me, I always try to focus on why I'm sharing what I'm sharing; it's always been about connecting with others who are feeling something similar and making someone feel less alone. I always come back to the idea.
KD: You recently launched your own Substack, All of This To Say and I couldn't have been quicker to subscribe! What can readers expect there that will be distinct from your content on other platforms?
KK: Thank you. I'm so excited to have this new space! ALL OF THIS TO SAY is a new newsletter that goes out every Friday. The space will definitely be an extension of the things I already talk about—life in your 30s, books, realistic wellness, and big thoughts—but I'll be able to dive even deeper into these topics. As much as I love social media, Substack allows me to say a whole lot more with long-form content. As someone who got my start in content creation as a blogger, it feels a bit like I'm returning home to where I started.
KD: Today, you work at Bookshop.org as a Social Media Manager. What does that look like?
KK: I've been at Bookshop.org for a little over a year now and am in charge of all of our organic social media. This looks like posting on Instagram, making TikToks, saying ridiculous things on Threads, engaging with our community on Facebook, and trying to figure out what's up with Twitter/X these days. I'm a total data nerd when it comes to social and also spend a lot of time analyzing the performance of our posts and adjusting our strategy accordingly. It's been really fun to bring together my passion for books and my background in social media strategy.
KD: Tell us about the most recent work of fiction that left you with a book hangover.
KK: I was lucky to get my hands on an early copy of author Rebecca Serle's upcoming book Expiration Dates. It comes out in March and destroyed me in the best way. I also reread one of my favorite books, Summer Sisters, by Judy Blume this summer, and every time I read it, it leaves me with the worst book hangover.
KD: What book is on your TBR that you're most excited to pick up this fall?
KK: I'm *really* late to the party, but I think I'm finally going to dive into the ACOTAR series this fall... I'm also SO excited to read Josie Silver's new book, A Winter in New York, as I've loved all of her previous books.
KD: The sunday series was conceptualized as a love letter to my favorite day of the week. If we were with you on Sunday, where would you take us?
KK: First of all, we're kicking off the day with what I call "Sleep-in Sunday'' in which we obviously sleep in on Sunday. Around noon, we'll get brunch at my favorite East Village spot, La Palapa. Then we'd slowly walk through Soho to the bookstore McNally Jackson before window shopping on West Broadway.
I am so glad to have found another Kayla on the internet. Very wholesome, thank you💖